Hippolyta Knows Best
by Mr. BramStoker
Summary: Being Queen of the Amazons is one thing, but serving as cook, babysitter, nanny, and house mother to the Justice League? Hippolyta truly knows how to pamper, care for, and encourage the world's mightiest heroes with advice, love… and cookies and milk.


**Hippolyta Knows Best**

Category: Justice League

Genre: Humor

Characters: Hippolyta, Black Canary, Scarecrow, Huntress, Vigilante, Robin, Bane, Deathstroke, Two-Face, Mera, Catwoman, Wonder Woman, Red Tornado, Green Arrow and Spoiler

Rating: T for mild language and raunchy humor

**I do not own Justice League… or DO I? Just kidding, I don't.**

The buzzer on the alarm clock rang loudly on Dinah's nightstand as the elegant young woman was sound asleep in her velvet bed, snoring as the sunlight shone through the curtains of her room as Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons, and very loving mother to Dinah and Helena and Diana and the Amazons, opened the curtains.

"Oh what a lovely morning! The sun is shining, all is bright and beautiful, and my babies are still sleeping." Hippolyta cooed, as she watched Dinah and her sisters' snore and dream

"Rise and shine sleepyhead! Good morning!" Hippolyta chimed sweetly, shaking Dinah's shoulder planting a kiss on her forehead. Groaning as she opened her sleepy eyes, Dinah slowly got up from her bed.

"Good morning sunshine! Did my baby girl have a good sleep?" Hippolyta asked caringly as Dinah was brushing her teeth. "yes Mommy." Dinah answered. "That's my girl. Finish brushing your teeth before getting dressed while I cook some breakfast." Hippolyta commented, walking off.

"and… go!" Two-Face called out, firing a blanks loaded pistol as he and Robin began munching bagels that were piled onto a large plate. Hippolyta couldn't help but snicker as the two were competing like crazy.

"Now boys, what did I tell you about spoiling your appetite? You wont have room for breakfast!" Hippolyta teased, pinching Robin's cheek playfully. "Be that as it may your Highness, Robin and us have not yet feasted. The bagels were only an appetizer." Two-Face feebly explained

"hmm, I see. Well before you two do any more eating, be a good dear and clean off that mess of crumbs on your faces before eating." Hippolyta reminded as she hummed a tune while getting waffles and pancake mix.

"Morning everyone!" Selina chimed, sauntering in with an elegant tan. "Hello Selina darling, you're just in time for breakfast. I made your favorite: raspberry toast with cinnamon buns and home made bacon." Hippolyta responded, handing the feline heroine a plate of food.

"Mm-mmm! Something smells extra tasty this morning!" Vigilante exclaimed as the Southern vigilante entered the kitchen. Hippolyta giggled blushingly before commenting "Oh Vic, you always know how to flatter a woman, you sly Southern fox, you."

"well, seems someone is looking bright and pretty this day! I do declare you are as lovely as a beautiful southern belle riding in the woods!" Vigilante commented as he flipped a flapjack on the oven as he tended to the pancake mix.

"my, it's crowded in here." Helena commented, yawning as she had woken up, having changed into her clothes. "and don't you look lovely. What am I saying, both my two lovely angels are radiant!" Hippolyta responded, embracing Helena and Dinah in a warm embrace.

"has she been drinking your cider again?" Oliver whispered, Two-Face snorting. "You know better than that Queen. That isn't a way to address a proper monarch."

"Why thank you Harvey. And I must say Oliver, your little quips are getting to be a teeny tiny bit overdone, don't you think?" Hippolyta teased, as Green Arrow rolled his eyes in boredom.

"Mommy?" Dinah asked, as Hippolyta was hugging her. "Yes sweetheart?" Hippolyta replied sweetly, planting a kiss on Dinah's forehead. "Have I ever told you you're the best mother in the whole world?" Dinah asked

"Apart from the dozen times she **has** told her." Green Arrow snapped, before Two-Face smacked him up the head.

"oh Dinah, baby girl, you truly know how to make Mommy very, **very** happy! Now come on pumpkin, time for your morning nap." Hippolyta cooed, scooping up a lovesick Dinah in her arms and carried her off to her room.

"um, Hippolyta, I was wondering if… what the?" Robin gasped as Dinah was sucking Hippolyta's breast as Hippolyta held her in the rocking chair. "Just a minute Tim sweetie, let me put Dinah to bed then I'll come help you with your homework, ok?" Hippolyta asked sweetly

"sure thing. Take your time." Robin replied smoothly. "Good. And could you be Mommy's little helper and clean up some of the dishes in the kitchen? I'd really appreciate it." Hippolyta added, as Robin walked to the kitchen.

"Now, where were we, little lady?" Hippolyta cooed as Dinah's eyes started to close. Shushing her soothingly, Hippolyta gently tucked Dinah into her bed, placed her plush teddy bear under her left arm and gave her a kiss. "Sweet dreams baby girl. Have a good nap." Hippolyta replied lovingly, kissing Dinah's cheek as she turned on the baby monitor and placed the mobile monitor on her pants clip and slowly closed the door behind her.

"Got any fives?" Hawkgirl asked, as she, Talia, Lois, Selina, and Red Tornado were playing cards in the lounge.

"Nein. Go fish, Fraulein Sheira." Red Tornado replied in a Germanic accent. Rolling her eyes, Lois muttered "I **told** you renting Inglorious Basterds last night was a bad idea."

"Are you kidding me? I **loved** that movie! It had a most satisfying ending, too!" Scarecrow piped up, taking a sip of wine

"Crane, the movie featured gruesome violence, sex, torture, and also **destroying an entire theatre!**" Helena hissed

"Yeah, you have a point. But Hitler was in the theatre, so that altered the ending of World War II. In an alternate reality, so to speak." Scarecrow remarked

"Yeah, you may have a point there, Crane. You know, that movie reminded me of that video game where you have to shoot monsters, demons, ghouls, aliens and all kinds of things on a planet!" Bane piped up

"That's Doom, Bane. Wolfenstein is the one with the WWII zombies and werewolves." Helena replied

"are you kids gossiping over video games again?" Hippolyta asked, carrying a tray of fresh baked cookies and milk.

"what's with the grub, Hippolyta?" Mera asked. Hippolyta chuckled and replied "well, I just baked this delicious batch, and since you kids **love** my cooking…"

"Yes! Free food!" Killer Croc cheered, swallowing the platter and belching loudly, the noise shaking the Watchtower.

"Croc! Disgusting!" Two-Face gasped, spraying Lysol around the walls to prevent the stench.

"Don't worry kids, I've got plenty more where **that** came from. But those are for Dinah when she wakes up." Hippolyta added before hearing the sounds of Dinah's snoring from her monitor. "aww. Just listening to that brings a happy tear to my face." Hippolyta sighed happily, as she walked off into Dinah's room to check on her.

"man, Hippolyta is the best JLA dorm mother! I mean, one time, she even painted my nails!" Killer Croc exclaimed, revealing his blue-tainted nails.

"Yeah! And one time, she helped me learn how to drive in order to get my license!" Spoiler added, showing her driver's license

"and this one time when Deathstroke invaded the Watchtower and tried to rape me, Hippolyta then kicked the crap out of him with a frying pan and then she hurled him out of the Watchtower through the garbage chute!" Selina replied, giggling at the memory of that event.

"speak of the devil…" Deathstroke sneered, about to enter Dinah's room when a familiar Amazon lasso wrapped around the wretched mercenary's neck. With a mighty yank, Deathstroke went hurtling until Hippolyta grasped his neck.

"I warned you once before Slade, touch or harm ANY of my Leaguer kids and there will be hell to pay!" Hippolyta snarled, brandishing her axe. Deathstroke continued to smugly ignore the threat, unaware that Dinah was sneaking up behind him carrying a large frying pan behind her back.

"Oh yeah? Well your precious Leaguers aren't here. So who's gonna stop me from breaking my biggest record yet?" Deathstroke boasted, ignoring the biggest rule in comic books: Never, EVER tempt fate.

"*I* am." A voice replied from behind Deathstroke. The evil assassin turned and…

CLONG!

Deathstroke clattered to the floor as Dinah triumphantly stood over him. "Good girl, Dinah! Now be Mommy's little helper and help me take out the trash." Hippolyta replied, opening the garbage chute.

"Not again…" Deathstroke groaned in embarrassment as Dinah then hurled the crooked assassin down the chute, sending him careening back down to Earth.

"DAMMMMNNN YOUUUUU HIPPOLLLYYYTTAAAAAA!" Deathstroke screamed as he faded out of sight.

"And stay out!" Dinah hissed, sticking out her tongue before slamming the chute door shut. "That was very brave of you Dinah. I'm so proud of you." Hippolyta replied, hugging her daughter.

"well, like mother, like daughter." Diana commented as the Leaguers cracked up. "Ok who wants some brownies?" Hippolyta asked sweetly, holding up a platter of fresh baked chocolate chip brownies.


End file.
